Last night I got together with J. and N. L. We had a good time talking about lots of stuff. It’s neat what you are doing in their lives. I am glad that you are giving their ministry a chance to expand and grow. I hope that the poster that I’m doing for them will turn out as good as I hope.
They shared another snapshot of Nancy too.
When I first started at Pizza Hut I was the closing driver. One night, Nancy and S and B were all over at the L’s, and Nancy got this idea, “Let’s have Brian deliver a pizza here.” “Here” was way outside of our delivery area, but Nancy talked the assistant manager into it. I was irritated all the way over because I didn’t realize that this was the L’s address. Nancy was happy to see me when I got there and we laughed for a little while, and I told Nancy that it was past her bedtime.
Yesterday, I talked with T. G. for a while outside the Manna Shop. I shared some of what I have been thinking over the past couple of weeks with her and found out what she is doing after graduation. Why does that come so quickly–the desire? I suppose it never left. And now I have no one to attach that to.
Please help me to trust you and cling to you rather than to anyone with flesh and blood. Right now I just want to date because I miss Nancy–as if loneliness was ever not a major reason for dating. But I want to do things that are emotionally healthy.
If I were to take someone on a date, a lot of the conversation would be about Nancy, and I have no idea how that would affect someone…Probably not in a healthy way. I suppose I will know when the time is right–actually, I probably won’t. I will probably just decide that it’s been long enough. But I won’t completely trust my decision.
Shit. This really sucks. Why do I have to think about this at all?
Because I’m lonely and I don’t want to be.
God, please help me to accept the loneliness for now.