April 28, 1994

Father,

Thank you for today. There is a quiet, sad emptiness in me. It always seems to be there to some degree or another. Sometimes I want to fill that with anyone–anyone who would be there to be held and to understand. The understanding is important. The communion that Nancy and I had was exquisite. She totally accepted me and supported me. And we could talk–about anything. And we had cute little things that we could say and laugh about. “It’s all about soul”

Will I find that communion again, Father? How could anyone else become special to me like that? I know it would be different because we’re talking about two different people. I am torn. Nancy is absolutely special to me. No one else on earth is like her. The things that she did for me, no one else could have done. Much of who I am you created through her.

But she is gone now. And what am I to do? For a time, you will continue creating me through Nancy. The memories that I have; that I will reflect on, will teach me about you–and about Nancy. Draw me closer to you. Continue to give me joy about the things that we shared.

Rejoicing:

Yesterday at lunch, T.M. told me about the Sing Thing in Portland. Once a month several hundred teenagers get together to sing. Someone presented me and the Noland family for prayer. When I went to Lazerquik for my interview with J. he told me that J. had explained the situation to him.

D. from TAP and his girlfriend rededicated their lives following the memorial service. He wrote me a letter telling me all about it. We had lunch Friday after I returned from California. I encouraged him to get plugged into Promise Keepers. The group of me that I have around me are invaluable for keeping me on track spiritually. They are also a large part of the reason Nancy and I were so happy. The wisdom that I received from them was wonderful.

Monday night, L. said that he was told that they are still talking about this in the hospital. No one dies in the maternity ward.